100 facts about me

Back in my earlier days on FetLife, I wrote my version of a meme called “100 things about me”. Many things have changed, many have stayed the same, but I thought I would revisit and update this piece of writing.

1. I’m a third-generation Torontonian, but the only member of my immediate family actually living in Toronto.
2. I live in the Beach(es) part of Toronto. I am moving May 1 to somewhere else within the city.
3. I understood the concept of bisexuality at age 16. As I remember, I looked at the shower after gym class in high school, saw one guy in particular there, and quite liked it.
4. I wish I could have had more success in high school and had the marks to attend a large university.
5. I had internalized biphobia for about a year when living with a former roommate who was lesbian (and wouldn’t believe I was anything other than straight).
6. I am the longest-serving member of any Canadian bisexual organization. Last November marked 20 years with the Toronto Bisexual Network.
7. I was an organizer for a camping weekend for poly people in Ontario, Quebec and Michigan.
8. I am married for not quite 5 years but living with my wife for the last 3 1/2 years. Such are the wonders of immigration.
9. Los Angeles will be an important part of the rest of my life, as that is where my wife’s family lives.
10. I have been bisexual since 1978 but only identifying as poly and kinky since 2001.
11. I decided to have a vasectomy in 2003 because I felt I would never be a birth father and I did not want to be one who was a senior with a child not yet out of high school.
12. I have been to bisexual conferences, a poly camping weekend but not yet to a kink weekend.
13. When I went to Seneca College, I was involved in the student radio station, and hosted a program called “No Borders Here”. The format was to have no format, except to play sufficient Canadian content.
14. Also at Seneca, I was copy editor and later entertainment editor of the student newspaper, variously called Oblique Times, OBT and Impact. I was proud of the fact that I was the longest-involved in the production of the paper.
15. At OBT, I loved getting free albums and having record company contacts. The most intriguing album to be sent home to me was Bronski Beat’s “Age Of Consent” with a large pink triangle on the inner sleeve.
16. Although I am Dom, I love to give foot worship.
17. At age 8, I had chicken pox and the highest temperature I can remember, 104.6 F degrees.
18. I had mumps at age 17. For many years, I wondered if it affected my ability to father a child.
19. Contaminated food at Ontario Place led to my longest illness, mononucleosis, in 1986. I was home for seven weeks.
20. I would like a cat one day, which will obviously rule the entire house.

21. As far as I know, I was the first ever from my father’s side of my family to graduate from a college or university.
22. I don’t believe that my college studies had any influence on my life since then, but that my college-related fun stuff like the newspaper did have an effect.
23. Prior to 2000, twice I felt like I had met “the one”.
24. The first of the two was someone who broke up with me when declaring she was lesbian. We went for a date to see “Desert Hearts”.
25. I moved in with the second person, in 1994. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the worst decision of my life.
26. I have lived my life as a bisexual man in different ways. 20 years ago, my physical interaction was exclusively with men. Now, it is much more woman-focused. My emotional outlook on it has not changed however.
27. Bearlybent is one of my two main nicknames.
28. Polybear is my LiveJournal nickname.
29. I am not my wife’s Dom and she is not my sub.
30. For several years, I had seemed to have had a knack for having long-distance connections outside the province of Ontario. In summer 2009 I was able to cut down my travel distance significantly as my pet and I hit it off.
31. I knew of nothing about kink in my 20s and most of my 30s.
32. My wife would love to see me with another man.
33. I’ve been trying to get out of my current job for a long time. Way too long.
34. I’ve discovered that Wartenberg pinwheels are deceivingly spicy little toys.
35. I would like to learn the art of florentine flogging.
36. I don’t consider vibrators or dildos to be competition on me. I enjoy the chance to use them whenever practical. More frequent opportunities have come my way over the last 15 months. Occasionally two or three at a time.
37. I can masturbate others, I believe, just as well as I can myself.
38. I had never been involved in nude photography before 2001.
39. Sex wasn’t remotely as good before I turned 39.
40. I have been a bigger man all my life, and happy that some of the weight went to my legs instead of the stomach.

41. My diagnosis of type 2 diabetes has obliged me to lose weight. I’m around 205 now.
42. I have been in hospitals only twice since I was a baby, to get a toenail’s roots removed and to have my appendix removed.
43. In May of 2002, I had Bell’s Palsy through the right side of my face.
44. In late July of 2002, I contracted cellulitis for reasons I still do not know. I stupidly waited until I got home to receive medical treatment.
45. I am the only brother of one with terminal cancer.
46. I am scared by bees, wasps and hornets.
47. I’ve been told I’m an excellent lover. Never heard that in the 20th century!
48. My parents and my brother’s family live a five-minute walk from each other, which makes visiting easy.
49. I have sensitive nipples, especially if a mouth is on them.
50. I had my first same-sex experience just after I turned 18.
51. Montreal and Vancouver are my favourite Canadian cities.
52. I’ve been a fan of harness (or standardbred) horse racing since 1972. Occasionally, I will go to Woodbine, for the sport. My pet is also a racing fan and took me to Mohawk for the first time in 32 years.
53. In 2001, I began a long-distance relationship as one of 18 (!) lovers of a very poly woman in Seattle. We had 3 trips together. Her and I are no longer together, but I think we would be sociable in the same space.
54. Although I am married, I have no urge to suggest to my wife that we get another woman for a hot three-way. The same opinion applies for my partner.
55. If the temperature is around freezing, let it snow. I hate a cold rain.
56. I have suffered from domestic abuse. I have scars on my arms and hands of fingernails into the skin.
57. Because of the abuse I once suffered, I am against face slapping as a play activity as a giver or receiver.
58. I have never had any sort of diary before I started my LiveJournal.
59. I was reluctant at first to be on Twitter and now I post something almost every day. It is friends-locked so I can discuss health issues freely.
60. I have often sucked all five toes on a foot at the same time. I am fortunate that both my partners love it.

61. My favourite kind of weather is a sunny day, around 70 F, with a breeze.
62. My tastes in men are much more specific than with women.
63. I am afraid of the very moment of death.
64. I have seen one relative pass away in front of me.
65. The longest hug I ever received from a parent was when I came out to my mother as bisexual.
66. My parents know that I am bisexual and poly but they do not know about kink. They do not know about my partner.
67. I almost collapsed in the midst of a huge party on Yonge Street in Toronto, moments after the Blue Jays won the 1993 World Series.
68. I’ve marched in every Pride march in Toronto, except for one, since 1991, as a member of the march’s bisexual contingent. In 2011 I may be taking a Pride break, to watch and not to march.
69. I used to feel a definite preference for spanking over flogging, because for a while I felt that feeling the sting on a hand represented a closer connection for me. I now feel equally in favour of both things.
70. I’m much kinkier in the 21st century than in the last one.
71. I love Aero milk chocolate bars. It’s got to be in moderation now.
72. My favourite cookie is a Chips Ahoy double chocolate fudge.
73. I’ve only ever had one sip of beer in my life. My father asked me to try it at age 9, I didn’t like it.
74. I’m a social drinker of rum&cola or rye&cola mixes, which could be none for several months or many in one night. However, I’m on my longest period of not drinking, in my adult life.
75. I have never smoked in my life.
76. I’ve never taken drugs for any reason other than medical.
77. I don’t mind at all what anyone does with smoking and drugs, but if my friendship with them were to depend on whether I would be enticed to try something, that person isn’t worth my time.
78. No piercings, not sure if I will ever have any. If I did, it would be my nipples.
79. I have one tattoo, a flaming bearpaw, on my upper left arm.
80. I have seen plenty of pictures of anal fisting, but I have no desire to want to try it. On the other hand, I quite enjoy giving vaginal fisting and have got up just past my wrist.

81. When I am a fisting top, it is one of the most powerful emotional times I have. You wouldn’t know it if you looked at my cock, but I am very aroused when I do it. It’s a definition of real trust.
82. Every time I fly in or out of Toronto, I always seem to avoid seeing any of the downtown from the sky. On the last trip, I nodded off and woke up just as the plane was turning to its final approach, over north Toronto.
83. In terms of physical intimacy, I enjoy making love to the full body, from lips to toes.
84. I have not bottomed for bio-cock since 2000. I am not sure I will do so again. In my history with men, I have almost always been a top.
85. A number of women I have trusted have been able to use their cocks and harnesses on me.
86. I’m more comfortable with facial hair in winter than in summer.
87. My first and only pedicure was in July 2002.
88. Politically, I lean somewhere between the Liberals and NDP. I’m the only left-of-centre member of my family.
89. I much prefer US Customs at Pearson or by car, compared to by bus at Buffalo.
90. I have been interested in Tantra for a few years.
91. I was a DJ at a fundraiser where there were BDSM fairies around and about.
92. I have enjoyed chocolate pudding as body paint.
93. I am a former organizer of mixed-gender bisexual play parties, back in 2000.
94. Once, in 1991, I knew a man I felt was a boyfriend.
95. I still like the same diversity of music now as I did in my teenage years.
96. I am quite content with the size of my erect cock. I have never felt that it wasn’t big enough.
97. I have a little bit of anxiety when a new play partner sees my not-erect cock and sees that it’s a little thing. It’s just the way I am, I feel.
98. It really does feel good to be someone’s Sir.
99. If FetLife ever included the term “Sir of”, I would change my status immediately.
100. Although I’ve been poly for many years, it is only lately that others actually see it, as very few people I know now ever saw me with a previous partner at an event organized by members of Toronto’s bisexual, poly or kink communities.

strapped in

Too long. Way too long.

I didn’t realize until I was editing my links to see that it’s been almost 5 months since my last post. I didn’t start this blog to let things slide like that, and I think it’s been in part a case of real-world challenges that get in the way from time to time. There’s lots I could talk about but I just couldn’t get the writing mojo starting.

Around home, things are as interesting as ever when it comes to dynamics. Both myself and my wife are in long-term relationships with submissive partners, except that I don’t share mine and she doesn’t share hers. For myself, it’s been 16 months with my pet. We watch over each other, guide each other on our D/s journey, and we love each other too. Yes, it was a while, but the L-word has been said, and we’re the same people we were before it was said.

We’ve had a little less frequency to have one-to-one time over the last several weeks, but when we’ve had the opportunity, we’ve made the most of it. She’s come to me with some ideas that I may have never expected her to have, but when she says them, it makes me lick my lips with a “I could have FUN with this” anticipation.

I’m not a bondage top by any means and I don’t know if I’m going to ever become well-versed with rope play. That being said, I have some thoughts about how to put one’s pet in her place. Bondage straps are useful things that can wrap around each corner of a four-poster bed. She’s got the straps, I’ve got the cuffs. I want to take advantage of what’s available to me in the best ways possible, to keep her in her place so she does not move. The same cuffs are also in need of a 4-strap hogtie. It has been a while since I looked at toys and found something I wanted that wasn’t similar to anything I had. A hogtie 4-strap forces her legs and arms to be immobile.

Very convenient for her Sir. Also very convenient if I want to leave her alone, tease her, deprive her. I wouldn’t do the last thing now, would I?

Never. I don’t want to deny. I want to hear screams. See the pulsing. Feel the energy. Know time and time again that the connection is there, powerful as always. Pet at my whim. The way it should be.

It feels so right

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve made a proper post here…unless you’re quite into tighty whities, in which case it’s still a few weeks, less a bit.

A year ago, I was chatting on FetLife with a lady about 35 miles away. I was interested in seeing if there was someone with whom I could develop a connection with D/s as a core. In one of her early responses, she wondered if she may be too far away. I replied by saying that I had been in a few LDRs where distance was anywhere between 400 and 2,500 miles. Intercity travel, without planes or Greyhound buses would be a breeze.

As August continued last year, we were talking more often and seeing if we might have the same level of connection in person as we felt we were developing online. A dinner date and walk on a beach later, we knew there was something. Both of us had a recent history of patchy connections and things that fell through, so there was trepidation for both of us. My wife reminded me to “keep my feet planted on the ground”, which meant that I shouldn’t let myself get emotionally wrapped up in something new too quickly, like I did in a couple of previous D/s-based connections. I’ve had a history of developing a lot of love as I went into something, whether kink was involved or not.

In less than 2 weeks, it will be one year since that first date. We’re pet and Sir, but we’re also close friends and partners. She wants to make me happy and she does so in so many ways, plenty of which have nothing to do with play or roles. She watches me for any difficulties I may have that stem from my diabetes. She volunteers herself to let me rant if I need about stuff in my family. She knows I will listen to anything she wants to talk about and knows I may or may not be able to help, and if I can’t, I’m at the very least a sounding board she can trust.

Trust — that is something that has grown through our year together. She knows I’m not going to leave her rattled with marks and she knows I can immediately pull out of a scene even if she doesn’t say anything…there are visual cues I’ve been able to pick up on that tell me to stop whatever I’m doing. Recently she asked me to help her go deeper into service and submission to me, and that chapter of our relationship began this past weekend. We have the BENT party coming up this weekend and I’m going to be watching the crosses and benches at the back to see if it feels right to take her back there. It’s got to feel right for both of us, I believe. I know I could say “you are doing this with me now, and I don’t care if you feel uncomfortable, because I say what goes”, but I’m not like that. I consult her and ultimately I do make the final decision, but comfort in a party goes for both of us. I prefer the idea of mixing our play into a party where it’s busy throughout and I don’t like much the idea of taking my pet to a bench where there is no one around and we’re on display to everyone.

The weekend of our first date was when the Church Street Fetish Fair happened. Part of me hoped to bring her to the Fair but my wife rightly thought it was too early. This year I’ll be going to the event with my pet alongside. No idea what we’ll do yet, beyond checking out the vendors, because their website is lacking any info on vendors or entertainment (they’re always like that, with a website but no content about the event to actually get you excited about going). This year as well, my wife has plans to be there with her new boy.

I have barely had the chance to say anything to him — a walk-by and wave at the Pride parade hardly qualifies — but I look forward to our first chat together. My wife, like myself, had a bumpy road enroute to what each of us now has, and I was very protective at first for her, as he was a refreshing change for her from previous men who sought her out. I may not have had a proper conversation with him yet, but I know he has done a lot of the right things to gain my respect. He is genuine in his care and respect for her. He makes her happy and vice versa. He doesn’t make excuses to break plans and he is honest in how he feels. By what I have seen, he’s a good guy and I am comfortable with him spending time with my spouse. Compersion? Yeah, I have it.

From my relationships of 7-8 years ago, I learned that respect was major when it came to being involved in something where one or both of us were married. My partner has done many things over the year that have made my wife feel very comfortable with her. Sometimes the little things like my pet nudging me to shave in the morning get the thumbs-up. I used to be the single guy who had to earn respect and now I am married. My first relationship after getting married was a mess at times and there were many things with it that upset me and my wife. Over the last year, a deep level of protection has given way to contentment and acceptance. Oh, and that I finally have someone in my life that my wife knows makes me happy.

To paraphrase a couple of my recent FetLife status messages in closing, the two women I speak of on my profile there help keep me sane at times that are rough, and I am very thankful and blessed to have that. I believe that my pet is the s this always-learning D has been waiting for a very long time, and I’m looking quite forward to the start of our second year.

HNT tighty whities #2

Or: Pandering to my search terms

Summer brings less clothes and more skin. I’ve noticed how variations of “tighty whities” are part of how people find my blog, so I thought I would have some fun.

e[lust]14

photo courtesy of Lila

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #14? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Answers with an Agenda 1- Fisting – Once you’ve gotten started using two fingers for a bit, then it is time to build until four fingers are sliding in and out of the person, and you are on your way.

Gagged – I think it’s got to be a combination… fingers sliding into your cunt, a merciless tease of your clit, and yes, it’s going to have to be, lining my cock up with your ass.

Mine – I feel you stir beneath me as I create a rhythm, your breathing changing growing more shallow as you slip from sleep into arousal. My eyes lift to yours as you smile and try to move your arms and then freeze.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Puppet Master – When I was right next to them and they still did not notice, I put my lips to his ear (loud music, you know) and whispered “Touch her boobs, I bet she’d like that” and I backed up a foot.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Shaping Some Limits - “If you ever did that to me, I promise you would never see me again”.Those words were spoken to me this past weekend by my pet during one of our overnight dates. The subject was face slapping.

See also: Pleasurists #77 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

12 Licks of the Tawse
A Canvas for Pain
Best Friends
Fetish: What’s Yours?
Needles and Cock Choking
One Couple’s Journey into Kink, part 2
Pieces of Skin and Bone
Please hurt me unbearably, you fucking fucker!
Ssssh…
The Taskmaster’s Whip

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A (Short) Ode to Uncut Cocks
Compersive Vanillas?
How Fear can Lead to Understanding and Trust
I am not a rapist…
Mother’s Day Gift
On threesomes
On Friendship
Playing Nice On The Swingset
Tyler and Holly Give Swing Clubs Another Chance
The Virgin in the Family/Do Not Enter
third person
Whacking For America

Erotic Writing

26 minutes
A Request For Help
Are you willing, Are You?
A Squirting Experience
All Dressed Up – The Party ….part 2
Beginning
Book Orgasm
Dhanurasana
Flesh for Fantasy
Filled
Getting Lost in the Forest
Guest Post: Truck
Go Habs Go Domme Style
hotel window
How Do I Find You Sexy?
I’ll Be Waiting
Jim and Lisa
Keeping It In The Family
Mind the Gap
My Sluttiest Moment
My First Blowjob
Me, Myself & My Clit
Not Tonight Dear, I’ve Got A Headache (Part 2)
Pure, Unadulterated Desire
Predatory
rhythm
Something Different
slumber interruptis
therapy session #1
Wanton Wednesday- Fuck-toy
Wednesday Night Blues

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
Eden Fantasys Newbie Help Guide
What the fuck, EdenFantasys?
Workshops and More at the ALCC

Shaping some limits

“If you ever did that to me, I promise you would never see me again”.

Those words were spoken to me this past weekend by my pet during one of our overnight dates. The subject was face slapping. Personally, I am in absolute agreement with her.

As our separate and shared journeys progress, we share and experiment more, but we also observe more of the worlds around us that are still relatively new. Myself, the first 35 years of life had no awareness of the local kink community or the world of fetishes. There have been a few things I’ve been into since my early 20′s, such as feet, but I thought of them as nothing more than some extra things I enjoyed. I didn’t think of them as overly special.

In the later 1990s, I became aware of the existence of some parties in Toronto and a group called XCorrigia through some people who attended a bisexual discussion group that I facilitated. I had enough curiosity that I wanted to learn about BDSM and its importance in people’s lives, even if I had no chance of exploring it myself. I had no special clothes (which I suspected were vital to any participation) but more importantly, I had no freedom.

I had a common-law wife who abused me. She perverted the notion of sex to use it against me. She had some very rough times before we ever met, including a couple of sexual assaults. After about 3 years of living together, I became at times the embodiment of all that was bad in her life. The word “rapist” was said at me countless times. I was hit with wood. I was hit over the head with blunt objects. I was slapped in the face and head more times than I could ever remember. I had no outlet to get away. I couldn’t easily explain marks on my arms and ears to my parents. On the occasion that we ever had sex, it would inevitably be used as a weapon. I became a symbol of hate.

After we broke up, I was not very sexual for about a year. I didn’t get any help for myself, and on reflection of time, I probably should have done so. My first D/s relationship, as a submissive, had a limit that I could not be hit. I was learning from an experienced Domme who fortunately knew more than just impact play.

During my first D/s relationship as Dominant in 2003, I had a more experienced submissive who was willing to guide me in our first few face-to-face days. She taught me how to feel power through topping and most important for me, doing it consensually. I did not feel comfortable with using my hands for anything except spanking her ass when it came to body play, and she was okay with that. She also turned around my notions that I was an abuse victim. No, she would say with passion, I am an abuse survivor.

Nowadays, there are websites such as FetLife. I’ve been on it since its early days and I’ve seen it grow to almost 300 times its size when I joined. Between my attendance at a few dozen play parties and being exposed to anything and everything that people describe as a fetish on FL, I feel I’m a little more worldly. I’ll never know of everything, partly because that would be impossible but also because I don’t want to try to do so.

Besides the hard limits practically everyone has and I share, I also add to my list things that were done to me and I never want to inflict on anyone else — even if that person wanted it and might get off on it. I will never use my closed fist to punch someone. I will use it, consensually, in a fisting scene.

I will use my open hand to spank or slap someone on the ass or on other places where it has been specifically negotiated. However, no matter how much one may want it, my hand will never hit another’s face. Yes, there are over 15,000 on FetLife who have “face slapping” as a fetish. I’m not judging anyone who does it or receives it, but I have my reasons to personally have nothing to do with it.

e[lust]13

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #14? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Stuck – Since I first saw the picture he sent me I have had this visual stuck in my head, like a sweet thing lingering in the mouth…. wrists bound, tied to headboard–ankles bound, tied to baseboard– naked, exposed

Animalistic - I grabbed the back of your ponytail like I owned you. No protest. Only a moan. Fuck, how aroused were you? Even your kiss was desperate, wet, passionate; your body was on fire and it showed.

A Hot Afternoon – She took Grady’s hand and guided it between her legs. Grady’s instinct kicked in as soon as she touched Hatty’s tender clit and felt the wetness gathered there.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Confessional: Fixation/Addiction – In porn, both video and photo, I have little interest in the men. It’s the women who get my full attention, who arouse me. I seek them out. I flick past hetero couplings, bored. Blow jobs? Meh. Oh wait, close-up of her pussy? Her coming? Ok I’ll watch now.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Thanks for the mansplanation, but I greatly prefer my vibrator – His views on female masturbation (derived, clearly, from absolutely nothing legitimate) are so fucked up, so irritating, and so detrimental, that I want to punch him in the face. It is, truly, mansplaining at its finest.

See also: Pleasurists #75 and #76 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A Pondering
An I thought us girls were supposed to be the confusing sex?
I get ragingly horny watching gay porn
Menopausal Body
Over-Rated
Snotty Blowjob
The Ethical Slut
What counts as kinky?
What Is Romance
Why We Swing

Sex News, Interviews, Politics and Humor

Strip Club Series – Part One – Club Super Sexe

Kink & Fetish

An Anal Fairy Tale
How I Turned My (Ex)Husband Into a Pervert Pt.1
In Her Place
Kinky
Love that Thang He Does
On Productivity, Insanity and Grilled Cheese Sandwiches
Rights and Responsibilities
Shoe shopping
Show Me Your Teeth
The Greek Slave
Voice

Erotic Writing

A Recurring Fantasy
almost
Awakenings
A Helping Hand
Bite me
challenge
des fumes
Exposed
Frankie Says Swallow
For your prompt review
Gardening
Glass Elevators
Haze
In The Boardroom With Brock
Microfantasy Monday, week 77: Rain, part 2
Monday Morning Flash – “Homebaking”
One of the Hottest Moments I Had as a Prostitute
Seven
the feast
Unexpected Pleasures
Used
Wet

In her place

Recently I tried using cuffs on my pet but we were unable to make them work for her ankles. They immediately became wrist cuffs, which worked okay but there was nothing else to attach them to. I haven’t had the pleasure of O-rings or bed headboards that conveniently allow attachments.

Prior to last weekend, a new pair of Aslan rubber cuffs made their way into our household, courtesy of the Switch play party that my wife was able to attend but I could not, due to a very ill-timed sinus problem. I wish I could have seen the visual of someone saying “who wants something?” and throwing cuffs, dildos, Tristan Taormino porn DVDs and harnesses to those who wanted them. Anyways, the rubber cuffs feel more comfortable to the one who wants to apply them. I’ve only just remembered that a long time ago, my submissive had tethers with her. They’ve never been used so far. She is going to be asked about that, which will confirm if my memory was correct or not.

Late next week there is a party where we’ll have the chance to experiment with some of these new toys. When I’ve looked at the benches at the party location, I haven’t looked close at the front or back of them to see if I could attach anything to the piece of equipment. I’d like to hope there is something that can lock on the cuffs and can help in putting my pet in her place. Then she can say hello to the purple rope flogger. Maybe the blue one? The small black one?

It will be my choice. Not hers.

Standing still

When I was in high school, there was a set of classes where movement and the lack of it was taught. With the latter, it was about learning to stay in one place and not move for an extended period of time.

That learning has stayed with me and it may now come in handy. I’m accompanying my wife to a rope social where there are ample opportunities to practice and learn. It’s not a play night, but rather, it’s an event for collective learning. I believe my path in rope topping is beginning, but I will learn in due time. Part of my learning is in watching others, including my wife.

I will be her model and stand still. I’ll let her know how the rope feels on me. I’m really interested in being part of her growth, and as we both look to be tops in this area, we can learn from each other.

e[lust]10

HNT Courtesy of Babe Lincoln

Welcome to e[lust] - The 10th edition! Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #11? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Negotiation – Not Nearly As Awkward As Having a Breakdown in Public – All the worries about getting to know a new person (“Am I dressed ok? Are they gonna like my stories about my grandma?”) get exaggerated when you’re talking about sex and desire…

Dollar Store Domme – He definitely can’t elude the dollops of toothpaste I dab onto his nipples. It takes a delicious second before he feels the cool burn penetrate his flesh. By that time I’m already up and selecting a plastic spatula from the credenza.

The Best of Both Worlds or Lost in Limbo? – Whether intentional or unthinking, bisexual denial is a frustrating thing for bisexual, pansexual or ‘fluid’ people to have to deal with.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Navigating Genderqueer in Suburbia – But pray tell how do the rest of us navigate it? How the hell am I supposed to know if you identify as male or just like dressing like one?

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

The Daddy Issue: Sexualizing Abuse – I needed to walk through this fear, and turn it into pleasure. I needed to prove to myself that he hadn’t broken me. That he hadn’t changed who I was to become. That I was not affected by what he did. That he didn’t abuse me.

See also: Pleasurists #69 and #70 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

15 minute phone sex
…And Orgasms On Demand
A Neighbor In Need #7
Afternoon Delight!
Casino
Desperation & Dominance
Dreams
Evening Home, Part 3
First Asleep Loses
Happy ending
I Got….
I am a keeper of secrets
I Got Fucked
I am Coming for You: A Letter to Scin
Late Night Satisfaction
Lolita’s Mother
Making M Squirt
Sir ~ intro
The Hatter
The Flash Fiction Friday FAQ!
Trussed
We fucked, they applauded
Where there is a libido, there is a way
Wicked Wednesday: Idyll

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

20 Reasons Why Sex Is Good
Defining Sex
Hurt me, Pet
I Was Raped
Playing Dumb
Red Flags of an Abusive Partner, Part 2
Restrictions and Satisfaction
Someone Else’s Shoes
Sex Isn’t Everything
The Art of Sensual Touching-Caressing for You and Your Partner
The STI You Haven’t Heard of: Molluscum contagiosum
The Suit
Vibrant Woman or Live Masturbation Sleeve
What I Don’t Need

Kink & Fetish

A Little Girl’s Need for Submission
Are You Done Yet?
A Reformatory Punishment
BDSM Advice Series: Floggers
Bruises
Determined to bind
His Slut
I Really Wasn’t In The Mood
Impact
Pain and Healing
Questions From DH About These Things We Do
Surrender
Sub Drop: Fact or Fiction?
Tiiu Ashcraft – Fetish Artist and Beauty
The Eroticism of Tattoos
The Competition
Wanting to want

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

A History of Violence
Asshat of the Day Award
Awesome Mentoring Work and Upcoming Apprenticeship

We got what we paid for

For months, my wife and I knew of a Sunday night bisexual party at a club in Toronto called M4. Both of us have been there many times, together and with our submissives, to fetish events at the same club. We wanted to try out something new — not the idea of a play party, but about being in a different environment than our usual kinds of spaces. The guy at the door recognized us and in we went.

The idea of the party is to create a space where couples, single bisexual men and a few single women can play. It is advertised as the only real bi space of its kind in Toronto. I was looking forward to sampling the evening and reporting back on the wonderful things that happened.

I can’t do that. I’m searching my brain and I’m coming up empty.

It felt very clique-ish and unless I wanted to change to a towel for access to the whole club (which I refused to do within 10 minutes because I was not getting good energy from the space), we were staying in the front half. For a “bisexual” night, I felt like the only bi man in the club. A horrid mix of music, with only one tolerable song by New Order. “I Kissed A Girl” greeted us upon arrival. On the dance floor, there was a man who danced like every song was Boney M’s “Rasputin”. Oh yes, at one point he bent down in a getting-fucked-by-a-woman’s-dildo position, then right back to the kicks. “ra-ra=rasputin etc etc…”

Near the end of the evening, I did see one man who appealed to me. I briefly saw him as I was planning to leave, but there was no way I wanted to spend a lot of extra time thinking I might be getting lucky and at the same time obliging my wife to stay in the front half of the club. I’d love her to see men getting it on, and if one of them was her husband, then I’d think that would be even better for her. This wasn’t the night though. I had no desire to try to change a blah experience. At least we were able to say that in many ways, we got what we paid for, and that the curiosity is no more.

I do indeed like M4 in its kink format and have had great times there, and I’m sure I will again. However, next time I attend a party where bisexual people are explicitly welcome, let it be one run by queers.

Turns out there is one in less than 3 weeks. I don’t care if I play at all or not in the space, but I’m looking forward to being a part of the collective experience at Switch on April 10th, happening at Renegade.

If you’re interested in Renegade, I have a link in my links section that will lead you to more information.

Determined to bind

Going to a fetish party is different when I attend with my wife and neither of us go there with our submissives. Both of us are very comfortable in the space, and we each socialize with others, but since we are not kinky play partners, it’s likely that our evenings would be one hour of volunteering, a couple of hours of socializing and observing others at play, and then taking the time for the trip home. Both of us are allowed to get into play with others if someone is fancied by one or both of us.

Personally, although I have the ‘all clear’ to seek out casual play, I’m not feeling a need to push that to actually happen. Yes, I do see eye candy that I’d be open to get to know better, but either they’re getting together with other people or I don’t feel the energy beyond looking from afar.

I still have a good time. How so?

From a respectful distance, I watch others. Not as a voyeur. I’m not so interested in whether two (or more) get very intense in their play or if it gets more sexual as it progresses. I’m more interested in what is being used to keep the sub in their place. With rope, for example, until recently I saw it often as not much more than a nice thing to wear and I didn’t think of it in terms of its use on a sub who is in a prone position.

On many occasions, I saw how the piece of equipment that a sub was put onto was used by the Dom(me) to tie the sub up. A little rope on four corners made for submissives who were definitely open for play and punishment by their Tops.

Unlike several months ago, I now have a submissive about whom I can entertain similar thoughts. I know it may take time to see her on a spanking bench, binding her legs to the bench’s legs. I personally think I would prefer to bind her to a St. Andrew’s cross, which would allow her to stand and not make her feel like she’s presenting her ass for show.

I do not go to a party presuming that certain things will happen, but now I can think of some possibilities that may or may not turn out to be quite well. In a few days, pet and I are attending a party with the emphasis on bondage. I need to learn some basics in the next few days which I would like to use to my advantage and for her, to be bound. She’s been thinking about rope, and instead of depending on a Top friend, I’d like to do the binding myself.

e[lust]8

HNT Courtesy of Blue-Eyed Vixen

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #9? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

This Isn’t Play. . . BDSM and Rape – The very basic principle that we hold so dear in BDSM play, “Nothing without consent” seems to stand in stark contrast to a very common form of play, “Rape Play”.

Half-Full – When I get my ass beaten, is it as much for the sensation as it is for the “Good girl…I knew you could take that for me.” that I want so badly at the close of the scene?

House Party Part 2 -His wife walked by at one point and he cryptically asked her to “do what she did to so-and-so earlier”. His wife disappeared behind me, but I felt her hands touching me and his cock as it entered me.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Backseat Orgasms - We kissed lightly and without focus, both a sensual act and maddening at the same time. More, I needed more. In a blur I was on my knees on the seat, straddling his leg, his mouth latched onto one nipple and his fingers hunting for the key to undoing my dress pants.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Are You Watching Me? – A plan of devious proportions begins to form. Before this is over with, I will have forced you into a corner…forced you to act…forced you to give ME what I want.

See also: Pleasurists #64 and 65 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Erotic Writing

A story of FL
Contemplation
Cuddling
Floor Exercises
Good day for a milking
Goodbye
G-Spot Orgasms Galore – Part 2
Initiation
Logan
Mark. Confession #423
Mouth
Nothing says I love you quite like…
Playful and Dangerous
Play your part
Plotter
Splish Splash
The Library Hotel
The Secret I Couldn’t Keep
Triple X
Three A.M. Surprise

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Anatomy of Desire (PT. Two)
Better Cautious Than Raped
Lingerie Tales Vol 1 An Obsession Begins
My life as a gamer’s slave
Perplexed
Saturday Texting
So Simple
The Elusive Female Orgasm
The G Spot Mouse or How To Make A Woman Squirt
Transtastic: On Language

Kink & Fetish

A No Limits Slave?
Are Discipline and Punishment The Same?
BDSM Advice Series: Pet Play
Bondage 101—Part 1: Bondage Basics
Breaking the Demons
Dark/DirtyBlog Crush
Factory Doll
Hand vs. toys
I’m on a book cover: ‘The Punishment List’ by Abel
Kink
Men as sex objects
Rough Porn
Raleigh and La Fortress
Savouring the texture of my skin with his teeth
The Way They Look At Me
The Slut Chronicles #13 ~ The Auction
Whither the spankosphere?

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Happy Valentines Day!
Hookers, Catholic School Students and Facebook
Lane Bryant Makes Puppies and Kittens Cry
Pussy Cosmetics and Vagina Myths

Rope play and topping

In Toronto, there are several opportunities for rope bondage enthusiasts to practice and play. Several parties happen through the month, as well as two social nights that specialize in rope education and a playspace with 12′ high ceilings and many spots that can be utilized for suspension.

Since I began topping a few years ago, one thing that seemed to fail me was knot-making. I would liken it to three-dimensional diagrams in high school math class and sometimes in instructions to set up furniture. I would become easily frustrated. One time my wife and I attended a rope instruction class and soon after it started, I became her person to make knots on. I just couldn’t get the basics together.

I live in a city with many fabulous rope artists and I envy their work. My wife was interested recently in learning more about rope topping for her play partner, but one cannot do much by watching others and finding Midori videos on YouTube. You have to go out, buy rope and then decide what to do with it.

I have decided that I’m going to push myself as hard as I can to get through any thought barriers that say “you cannot do this”. I want to learn and I want to practice. Now there is another factor in my wish to become at least somewhat educated about rope topping — my pet has talked to me about being bound at a party, and until now I have said to her that I know some people enough to trust their work and let them use her as a canvas, while at the same time making her know I’m close by. Why can’t I be that top? To me, as of this moment, there’s no logical reason why I cannot try to dedicate time to learn.

Hand vs. toys

When I first started to use a flogger seven years ago, I remember lamenting the loss of a certain kind of touch. I would be able to make the same marks that my hand would make, and more, but I had mixed emotions at times because I couldn’t feel any transference of feeling to my hand. Flogger tips may sting on my partner’s ass, but not on my hand.

An ex of mine made some toys for my use on her, and liked to be spanked as well. It made for more variety and the occasional bruise, but the frequency of the play wasn’t enough to make for a deep trust and a chance at an enduring connection. I did have the chance to vary my topping between hands, floggers and canes, but the distance factor (400+ miles) meant a lot had to be piled into a day or two every several weeks.

Things have changed in the last few months for the better. There are more than just floggers in the toy collection. I can select from two crops, a cane, several floggers, a slapper, wrist cuffs and a couple of warm-up/cool-down toys. I can also use my belt if I wished, but I have not yet followed through with that idea. My spouse and I have attended some fet nights and kinky toy fairs separately and together, and have had the chance to see many toys, wonder how they can be used on others, and on occasion, actually purchase them and take them home.

Over the last few months, I have learned some preferences of my pet, and I’ve been amenable to what she likes and doesn’t like. I could bring out the crops and cane if I wanted to and use them as I wish, but I’m not really that kind of my-way-is-the-only-way Dom. The best toy, once again in my life though, is my flat right hand.

I love the sting I feel when I’ve spanked her particularly hard. We check in on each other as we should. A trust has been built over the last six months that is a factor, I think, in the physical sensation I have as the giver. I do enjoy (as she does as well) some of the floggers, but the hand is the best.

e[lust]7

I would like to personally thank all those at e[lust] for allowing me to be part of this venture with my post “A hand in the…” as well as giving me a chance to investigate the writings of many others that look quite fascinating indeed, just by the titles!

HNT Courtesy of Coy Pink

Welcome to e[lust] - your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #8? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Uncoiling – I slip the blade between your hip and the fabric of the undergarment, and slide. The pretty thing splits easily, and the panty leg opens, revealing your skin underneath.

Ahead of Time - I know you don’t like to know ahead of time when I’m going to let you out, but I just wanted you know that it’s going to be, well, a long time.

Blogging For Choice: My Story – Should I begin with Catholic high school? Sure, why not. I suppose that’s when I first began thinking about abortion, especially when the opportunity for double credit for community service hours rolled around.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

Vignettes: Virtual Peep Show - I kept my bullet vibe on low to draw it out as long as possible for me as I stared, mouth open, at the two cute girls who loved to show off. I let the room in general, and the girls too, know that I was watching, appreciating and jerking off with them. I was encouraged by the greedy, horny men in the room to join them on camera.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

I missed you… – I could smell your cologne as I reached past you, key in my hand to unlock the door. That smell always set me off and you knew it. Your eyes told me what you wanted. You saw in mine what I couldn’t say out loud.

See also: Pleasurists #62 and #63 for all your sex toy review needs.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Kink & Fetish

A hand in the…
Celery
Breaking Down
Buckling
Drop and Aftercare, A Discussion
Erotic Hypnosis
Erotic Zen: Masturbation Fantasies
Fantasy Vs Reality in M/s
Four kinksters, a wealth of toys
Spanking Story: Head of House
The Kink Club Dinner
The Devil Is In The Details
The Last Chip

Erotic Writing

A Surfer’s Story
Across a Crowded Room, Part 3
Cookie
Her Pleasure
Saturday with my Sweetheart
Sex Behind the Wheel (#5)
SexxxConfessions: Jumping the Fence with My Best Boy
sex sex sexx
Sold
Surprise
Taboo
The Slut Chronicles #12 ~ The Bar
Uninvited

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

“All men are potential rapists” breeds fear and mistrust. Not caution
JM Darling
NYC Sex Bloggers Calendar is Going National in 2011!
Sex Addiction
S&M video producer in Hungary raided by police
Tauntaun Porn

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationship

A Non Scene that went to a Bad Place
Blow Jobbing. Confession #413
Divorce
Hard Time Getting Wet
Hindsight
I Can’t Get No Contraception. Part 5
Innocent and Clueless? I Think Not!
Kegel Magic – For Men As Well As Women
Kyle’s Visit – Collaring My boy
One Year: The Story of My Rape
Swing Shift Volume 29- Maintaining Balance
Swallowing is overrated
The Tiger Way to Sex Rehab

Lotuslust

I’d like to welcome you to The Bear’s Lair, whether you are a returning reader or you found out about this blog through e[lust]. I hope you find my writings to be interesting and perhaps thought-provoking.

I’d also like to inform you about another blog dear to my heart. Over on the right-hand side of this page, you’ll see a link to Lotuslust. It is a new BDSM/sex blog written by Mrs. Bentbear and it explores her journey as a bipolykinky Domme. Yeah, of course I’m biased, but even if I step back and check out her writings as if I didn’t know her, I’d think that her posts are improving every time. She’s becoming an excellent writer in this little niche we share.

HNT tighty whities

This is my second HNT (Half-Naked Thursday) pic. It’s come to my realization that I have lots of photos butnot very many that I could consider for a future HNT post.

I have to set aside time for pics and ideas. There aren’t a lot of men who do this in the blogging world, let alone men of my age bracket, but I’d like to see where it can go for me.

A hand in the…

My right hand has found its way into many good places over the last several years. Places that feel better once the hand is closed.

Yes, I speak of fisting. I have had the good fortune to have had a few partners who had the size to accommodate mine. I learned quickly a couple of things: one, take my time — never plow into it like you only have five minutes left to live, and two, read my partner’s body language especially closely. Don’t push on when told that my recipient is tired, for example.

It is probably the activity that gives me the greatest difference between what I feel inside and what one sees if they look at my body. I can do it for 10-20 minutes and if you look at my body, you might think I’m not turned on. My cock will usually be soft and small. My mind, however, is tripping. As a fisting top, it really is a fulfilling experience for my mind. I realize it’s something that takes a lot of trust and I can’t see doing it to someone I’ve just met. I want to feel connection eye-to-eye as my wrist goes inside. I can’t feel that if it’s casual or a first-night thing.

As for anal fisting, I’ve never tried it and haven’t felt much of an urge to seek a bottom (or ask those who have bottomed for me) to turn around. Seeing it on film or in pics can be quite hot though.

Outing

More than once in the last few years, I have needed to defend my right to be who I am in front of one or both of my parents. I do want to say upfront that my parents have never said they are not okay with some aspects of who I am. The situation I have encountered more than once has focused on outing by other people in my family.

This is something I find ridiculous to feel at my age. I should note that the 2000s were a very different decade than any other, because it was only in the last 10 years that I could understand such things as polyamory and BDSM. I figured out the bisexual part of things when I was 16. That seemed as natural to me as breathing. I got the longest hug I’ve ever had from my mom when I came out as bi.

I’ve had to deal with outings on sexuality and polyamory over the last four years. My mother, I believe, shares my outlook on things — who am I hurting? I am healthy, happy in many aspects of life, and I share that with many good friends.

When I started to get to know the woman who is now my wife, we both knew the other was bisexual. Neither of us are people who casually fuck and risk anything. We talk between us, constantly communicating and trying our hardest to not hurt the other. On the latter point, particularly now, I honestly think we’re doing a fine job of that.

If I am fine with my wife’s submissive partner and she is fine with mine, isn’t that all that should matter? I absolutely support whatever choices my wife makes and the fun she gets into, and I hear that back from her. I’m not going to apologize for being who I am today, part of which is a kinky man thinking of bondage scenarios for his pet.

I have tried to keep kink hidden somewhat from comment by anyone in my families. However, if one of them finds their way here, don’t think you’ll be proud of yourself for trying to hurt me. I know that game, and I’m tired of it.