It feels so right

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve made a proper post here…unless you’re quite into tighty whities, in which case it’s still a few weeks, less a bit.

A year ago, I was chatting on FetLife with a lady about 35 miles away. I was interested in seeing if there was someone with whom I could develop a connection with D/s as a core. In one of her early responses, she wondered if she may be too far away. I replied by saying that I had been in a few LDRs where distance was anywhere between 400 and 2,500 miles. Intercity travel, without planes or Greyhound buses would be a breeze.

As August continued last year, we were talking more often and seeing if we might have the same level of connection in person as we felt we were developing online. A dinner date and walk on a beach later, we knew there was something. Both of us had a recent history of patchy connections and things that fell through, so there was trepidation for both of us. My wife reminded me to “keep my feet planted on the ground”, which meant that I shouldn’t let myself get emotionally wrapped up in something new too quickly, like I did in a couple of previous D/s-based connections. I’ve had a history of developing a lot of love as I went into something, whether kink was involved or not.

In less than 2 weeks, it will be one year since that first date. We’re pet and Sir, but we’re also close friends and partners. She wants to make me happy and she does so in so many ways, plenty of which have nothing to do with play or roles. She watches me for any difficulties I may have that stem from my diabetes. She volunteers herself to let me rant if I need about stuff in my family. She knows I will listen to anything she wants to talk about and knows I may or may not be able to help, and if I can’t, I’m at the very least a sounding board she can trust.

Trust — that is something that has grown through our year together. She knows I’m not going to leave her rattled with marks and she knows I can immediately pull out of a scene even if she doesn’t say anything…there are visual cues I’ve been able to pick up on that tell me to stop whatever I’m doing. Recently she asked me to help her go deeper into service and submission to me, and that chapter of our relationship began this past weekend. We have the BENT party coming up this weekend and I’m going to be watching the crosses and benches at the back to see if it feels right to take her back there. It’s got to feel right for both of us, I believe. I know I could say “you are doing this with me now, and I don’t care if you feel uncomfortable, because I say what goes”, but I’m not like that. I consult her and ultimately I do make the final decision, but comfort in a party goes for both of us. I prefer the idea of mixing our play into a party where it’s busy throughout and I don’t like much the idea of taking my pet to a bench where there is no one around and we’re on display to everyone.

The weekend of our first date was when the Church Street Fetish Fair happened. Part of me hoped to bring her to the Fair but my wife rightly thought it was too early. This year I’ll be going to the event with my pet alongside. No idea what we’ll do yet, beyond checking out the vendors, because their website is lacking any info on vendors or entertainment (they’re always like that, with a website but no content about the event to actually get you excited about going). This year as well, my wife has plans to be there with her new boy.

I have barely had the chance to say anything to him — a walk-by and wave at the Pride parade hardly qualifies — but I look forward to our first chat together. My wife, like myself, had a bumpy road enroute to what each of us now has, and I was very protective at first for her, as he was a refreshing change for her from previous men who sought her out. I may not have had a proper conversation with him yet, but I know he has done a lot of the right things to gain my respect. He is genuine in his care and respect for her. He makes her happy and vice versa. He doesn’t make excuses to break plans and he is honest in how he feels. By what I have seen, he’s a good guy and I am comfortable with him spending time with my spouse. Compersion? Yeah, I have it.

From my relationships of 7-8 years ago, I learned that respect was major when it came to being involved in something where one or both of us were married. My partner has done many things over the year that have made my wife feel very comfortable with her. Sometimes the little things like my pet nudging me to shave in the morning get the thumbs-up. I used to be the single guy who had to earn respect and now I am married. My first relationship after getting married was a mess at times and there were many things with it that upset me and my wife. Over the last year, a deep level of protection has given way to contentment and acceptance. Oh, and that I finally have someone in my life that my wife knows makes me happy.

To paraphrase a couple of my recent FetLife status messages in closing, the two women I speak of on my profile there help keep me sane at times that are rough, and I am very thankful and blessed to have that. I believe that my pet is the s this always-learning D has been waiting for a very long time, and I’m looking quite forward to the start of our second year.

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